It's funny how the demise of a cat can bring a mother and daughter so much closer. My mom calls me every day to share memories of the cat, to cry while I listen, to let me know of her current plans to commemorate her. Mom's kind of gone off the deep end: she's building a shrine to put by the shed where Lucy's buried, complete with plastic tulips (Lucy's favorite flower to destroy) and a cat statue.
I think it's just been a while since someone/thing has died. We all forgot how helpless we are against the suddenness and the absolution of death. But, it's our universal heritage. Things must die.
But we ought not to dwell too long on the inevitable.
I think I'm falling in love. That's appropriate, right? It's spring, the flowers are blooming, I've just decided to become basically a monk for a year and a half... great time to start caring about someone.
He is extremely special, though. And he was right in front of me for over a year-- how did I never see it? Why now, at the most inconvenient time?
Actually, the answer is simple, embarrassing, and proof that I follow my heart less and my lower extremeties more than I think: I knew he was intelligent, honest, sweet, and quirky; but what did it?
And so now, along with everything else, I've developed an obsession with ballroom dancing. The rumba. The cha cha. Salsa. West Coast swing (by far my favorite). He's even begun teaching me the Argentine Tango!
And we know we shouldn't. We're both leaving, and taking utter and complete vows to lock our hearts while we're gone... and our well-meaing, albeit obnoxious friend gaves us his "The Best Time to Lock Your Heart is Now" lecture the other night, and when we were alone again, I said,
"I'm not locking my heart." And he said,
"Me neither." Pause. "Do you want to?"
And that's the extent of our communication on the subject. He's moving to Brazil next month. That event is like the elephant in the room we're trying to ignore. It's dumb, it's stupid, and I've noticed that nearly everyone in Mormon Culture does it. My disdain for Mormon Culture makes it worse.
Sigh. Do you guys want to see a picture?
Fortunately our connection runs deeper than the thrill of Latin dances, and a good friend pointed out that we could actually be a great strength to each other as we serve missions simultaneously. We'll be going through the same things at roughly the same time and we'll be able to write to each other the entire time. Who knows, right now could be laying the foundation for something wonderful ahead. Or I could be needlessly torturing myself.